


Pull Up Your Big Boy Skirt

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bobby's getting the short end of the stick, Crobby - Freeform, M/M, Ugh, and crowley ..well hes getting something alright, au-ish kinda, i love them so much dammit, i need crobby smut in my life, it was supposed to be smut, of all the sticks, oh and sacrificial elements i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-17
Updated: 2017-08-17
Packaged: 2018-12-16 08:41:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11825121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Bobby figures he'd have a easier time saving these assholes if they'd only stop trying to sacrifice him to some supernatural creep.





	Pull Up Your Big Boy Skirt

**Author's Note:**

> I love crobby. It's the otp guys. I wrote this almost two years ago with a plan to make it an explicit one shot of smutty crobby goodness, but I could never seem to finish it with the glorious smut that I wanted so I'm posting it now.

When Bobby first set out to this mysterious, unknown, and god forsaken jungle he'd been determined to save these banana loving idjits. Now though, now they could all die for all he cared. They could all toss themselves into a volcano and take their dirty, grabby hands with them!

"No.. please. No, that's quite enough! No more flower necklaces, I have enough. No more! Just fucking stop already!" Bobby tried to squirm away from the hands that held him down and duck under the others attempting to adorn him with even more petal pretties.

He'd read up extensively on this rudimentary people and he knew exactly what they were so keen on gussying him up for. Their fake smiles and reassuring babble even as they tried to de-pants him weren't fooling the likes of Bobby. But there where only one of him and a whole shit ton of them, and they weren't having any of his self-preserving modesty. The pants came off sooner than he would have ever liked, but he did manage to bend a minimum of four noses during the tussle and that had to count for something...

..Or at least Bobby thought so for a few saticfying seconds before he was bodily pinned to the ground and fitted with a thin string around his waist from which a few thin blades of some kind of long grass dangled.

Yeah, they could all go die.

Bobby glared down at his pitiful state, "You morons do realize this don't cover a damn thing, right?"

From the worshipful expressions on the natives ever so exuberant faces they knew exactly that; had planned it in fact. 

After a scant minute to take in their handy work, all of those grubby hands were back and man handling Bobby toward what looked very much like a mini satanic temple. 

Now Bobby, being an expert in mythology and experienced hunter of all things creepy and evil, had quite a few professional ideas regarding just what kind of nasty horror awaited him inside and he'd be damned if it didn't take every single member of this mob, straining, shoving, and kicking, to get him in there. 

In the end that's exactly how many it took.

As soon as they could force a practically nude and hissing Bobby into the temple, the entrance was slammed shut with a loud bang and a massive slab of solid stone. Scurrying to his feet, Bobby launched himself at the makeshift door, pushing hard against it with his shoulder. It didn't budge an inch, just like he knew it wouldn't.  

"Balls."

Tired from many previous nights without proper sleep and his ultimate showdown with the natives, Bobby sagged against the cool surface denying him freedom, exhausted and spent up. This was all too ridiculous and crazy! He was trying to save these people from certain destruction, goddammit! And they had the nerve to strip him down and truss him up like some virgin maiden for the slaughter.  

Fed up, but feeling ragged, the hunter half-heartedly punched at the stone one last time before sliding down it until he sat (bare assed) on the dirt floor. Angry, so very angry, he steamed, muttering some choice and colorful expletives about the utterly brain damaged and heartless buffoons outside.

"Interesting sounds you are making, human."

Bobby's attention instantly shot to the overtly bedecked man sitting atop a crudely crafted throne of gold, wearing a slightly amused, mostly bored, yet somewhat puzzled expression.

Bobby didn't hesitate, "And that's a right awful getup your fairy ass is swaddled in, princess."

The man- being -lifted one speculative eyebrow at the raggedy hunter, "You think so?"

Bobby didn't answer right away. Instead, he braced his back against the stone and, using what meager strength he had left in his worn out legs, managed to slowly rise to his feet and take in his surroundings. The room was rather spacious, not a lot of furniture besides the throne and an altar-ish looking slab set up off to one side. Bobby tried his best to ignore the pile of bones heaped precariously under said slab and focus on an escape plan.

"Yeah, that's what I think." Keeping his front facing the throne Bobby began edging his way along the wall. 

The natives had rid him of his weapons before they'd stripped him of his dignity and Bobby was vulnerable, facing off against a supernatural with his back quite literally up against the wall. The man watched him as he moved with an unreadable expression and Bobby stared right back, hoping to distract the creature from what his hands were currently doing. Hoping against odds that he would come across anything useful, Bobby pressed against the cracks in between the stone bricks to feel for any sign of weakness in the solidity of the wall. 

If he could get just get ahold of a loose brick, a stick. Hell, even a vine would be...

Before he could think twice the words were coming out of his mouth, "Say, you wouldn't happen to have any rope or a skylight around here would you?"

The man leant forward in his fancy chair, eyes narrowed, "Why? Do you need to be somewhere?"

Bobby snorted, not even bothering to hide the disgust in his voice, "No offense, princess, but anywhere would be preferable to this dump, and I own a salvage yard."

The man sighed at that, "I just might agree with you there. I find this palace lacks a certain... charm." Here his face split into a wide grin, all teeth, "But it has its uses."

Bobby tried vainly not to think of the altar or the human remains poorly hidden beneath it and failed, "Sure it does."

The man noticed the human's unease and the fleeting glance directed at the table, "Yes, well- It would be a shame for you to depart so soon. I mean, you only just got here. Why not give it a chance, hmm?"

Bobby frowned, "I'd really rather not. Besides, I'm not much for company. I'd only cramp your style."

The man cocked his head to the side, regarding the human thoughtfully, "Honestly, I don't know that you would. You are quite unlike what I've come to expect from offerings."

Bobby nearly choked, "Well sorry, but not sorry. I aint gonna jump all happy and willing onto your sacrificial table and assist in your evil hoodoo! Those idjits out there might not get what you're up to, but I'll be damned if-"

"Male." The man chuckled, "You are male."

"No, shit!" Bobby growled, "Ain't no blushing virgin girl, so I'm not gonna be of much use to you." 

"Whoever said anything about sacrificing virgins?" 

One second the man was sitting on the throne, the next his face was mere inches away from the hunter's. Bobby jumped back in surprise, cursing when his head hit the wall he'd forgotten about during his little tirade. The man seemed amused by this, his lips stretching into a wide smile as he hooked a finger on the flimsy string of Bobby's skirt and tugged. 

"Son of a bitch," Bobby swore as the knot came undone all too easily and the skimpy outfit fell free from his hips.

"Ooh," the man smirked, his gleaming dark eyes taking on a blood red glow as they raked Bobby's exposed body up and down with heated appraisal, "I think I've found my new favorite toy."

**Author's Note:**

> If I find inspiration I'll post another chapter later.
> 
> ......that is.. if you guys want?


End file.
